2/21/10

Reasons not to tell her you cheated

I just recently discovered this list. Apparently it's been making it's way around the web for a little while and just landed on my doorstep.

No.10 - Because she'll never find out
Would you ever pull off the perfect crime and then call the cops to say: “Hey, guess what I did?” The deed is done and there are no trails leading back to the other woman. You cut all ties and made sure there is no way it can get back to your girlfriend. Not only does she not know about the cheating, she doesn’t have any reason to even let the thought cross her mind. She is clueless to the whole situation and the only way she will find out is if you open your big mouth. Remember the expression: “What you don’t know won’t hurt you?” Well, she doesn’t know, so it can’t hurt her. If she did know, however, she would hurt you.

No.9 - Because the other woman didn't mean anything
It was a fling. Maybe it was a few too many drinks and a sticky situation or maybe it was one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that you would regret forever if you didn’t give it a shot. Whatever the circumstance, it’s never going to happen again. It could have been the greatest night of your lives, but it doesn’t matter because you both knew there was no chance of a repeat performance. Why admit to your woman that you made one mistake? If you had to admit to every mistake you’ve ever made you’d be apologizing for months.


No.8
- Because it gives her a card

If you tell her, she will hold in her hand what is known as the “trump card,” which beats every other card in the deck. She will be able to finish every argument by reminding you that you cheated. You will never win another hand again. Remember that one time you left the toilet seat up and she brings it up every time you argue or don’t want to go see another chick flick that involves a dead person with a broken heart? Cheating is the toilet seat multiplied by a gazillion. You will never hear the end of it -- not even during the opening credits.

No.7
- Because she already beat you to it

Johnnie Taylor once asked the musical question: “Who’s making love to your old lady while you were out making love?” It’s a funny thought, but a damn good possibility. What makes you think that you're the only one in the relationship who cheated? Suppose she's been running around town more than a Kenyan marathon winner? Since you're letting all the skeletons out of your closet, she may feel the urge to purge all of her indiscretions. Do you really want to know that she may have not only cheated on you, but also that she possibly did it with someone you know? The bright side is that you will at least find out the real story behind that coworker she has lunch with every day.

No.6
- Because she'll get revenge

It might not be enough for her to just break things off; she may want to settle the score. “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” can be translated into modern English as: “Watch out when you cross a woman.” She knows everything about you and most of the embarrassing things you do behind closed doors. She has personal contact with your friends, family, coworkers, and every other person in your life. There is nothing to stop her from spreading rumors and lies. Do you have any idea how easy it is to start a blog? This doesn’t just mean ruining your life now, but also any possible relationship you attempt to have in the future.
No.5 - Because she will leave
It’s probably the most obvious outcome. She takes the news and gets out of Dodge. She will have no choice but to grab her things and never come back. She will go and take everything with her, including all of your mutual friends, all of the possessions you accumulated as a couple, the normal life you’ve grown to love, and she might even be so cold as to take your dog. Living with guilt might be better than living without her in your life.


No.4
- Because you care about her

There is a reason you are dating her in the first place. You have a terrible way of showing it, but you really do care about her. If you didn’t care, then the one-night stand would have been much more. You do love her and if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be feeling this guilty. Cheating was bad enough, so the last thing you want to do is hurt her again. Telling her will crush her. Make it up to her by being a better boyfriend than before you cheated and actually show her how much she means to you.


No.3
- Because it's selfish

Telling her will only benefit you and your feelings. So, you cheat on her to satisfy your own animal pleasures and then you tell her because the guilt is tearing apart your civilized soul? Is there any other way you can look out for only yourself? Why don’t you leave her the condom wrappers so you can show her how important safe sex is -- even with strangers? It isn’t always about you. For the first time in a long time, think about her instead of just your needs and feelings.

No.2 - Because she doesn't want to know
Women think they don’t want men to keep secrets. They always list honesty as one of the most important qualities in a mate, but do they really want it all? Women have no idea what they are in store for if a guy starts being completely honest. If a guy does spill his guts and confesses to his deepest, darkest and doziest secrets, then what happens? A woman changes the way she feels about the guy. The same goes for cheating. She might think she wants to know if you’ve cheated, but she is much better off going through life being blissfully unaware. If she knows the details, she will let them run through her head over and over again until it drives the both of you crazy.


No.1
- Because relationships can't go backward

You confessed and immediately regretted your decision. It’s too late. There are no “do overs” in love. Once Pandora’s Box is open there is no closing it and putting all the dirty secrets back inside. The relationship has changed forever. It will never be the same and will never go back to the way it was before you blabbed. She will never trust you again. Even if there is a “forgive,” there will never be a “forget.” She will always have doubt about you in the back of her mind.


Ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Are these valid reasons? Ladies, are any of you willing to admit that there's some semblance of the truth in here?

13 Comentários:

Nicki Sunshine said...

I hate cheating so much that I just can't even think of any valid reason of NOT telling her you did it.

JUST DON"T DO IT!

**steps off soapbox**

JerzeeGirl said...

The following are my comments:

No. 10 - Don't be disillusioned to believe that she'll never find out. Did you ever wonder how your mom always knew about everything? Women have good instincts...don't sleep on that. Plus as my mom always told me "what's done in the dark always comes to light". Plus women are unpredictable at times...so thinking the other girl is cut off can be a deadly mistake.

9. If the other woman didn't mean anything then why are you going to risk your perfectly good relationship over something that is nothing. That is totally idiotic to me.

8. It gives her a card? REally? You're concerned about the "trump" card? Maybe you should be concerned with losing possibly the best thing that ever happened to you...

7. Don't automatically assume that she already cheated. All the girls I know are die hard for their men and are extremely loyal...as am I (when I have one)...so assume and make an ass out of yourself

6. Sometimes the sweetest revenge is to do nothing and other tactics that I will not share. Plus, "vengeance is mine" sayeth the Lord. What goes around ALWAYS comes back around. Unfortunately...I know this to be true (and no...not b/c I cheated).

5. Yeah she will leave...and you'll lose everything. Is that "nothing" fling really worth it? If you really need to get off that bad you have two hands...take care of yourself.

4. If you cared about her so much why would you deliberately do something that you know will crush her and ruin your relationship? LIke really...this is common sense to me. But then again...a lot of men dont have common sense.

3. because it's selfish...negro it was selfish of you to go cheat! how is cheating benefiting the relationship or her? ITS NOT. it benefits you!

These are funny....

2. I disagree with that. I'd be more hurt to find out on my own like years later that you cheated and you didnt have the balls enough to be upfront with me. I'd have more respect for a man to fess up than to hide it like it never happened. You don't know the outcome but you have to be ready to accept the consequences of your actions! Not every girl will leave...some girls/women are very resilient and forgiving. You just never know....

1. No a relationship cannot go backwards so don't do anything that you'd regret.

There's no truth in this! It's all like dumb stupid. Cheating is bad no way you slice it. This is just trying to sensationalize it! ugghz...this made me a little mad.

okay i'm off my soapbox now...

Peyso said...

@ Nicki and @ Jerzee - We all know cheating is bad, but this is discussing what to do if u already cheated not telling ppl to cheat. However, I only agree with #3. GQ did an article on it a few years back and they said the same thing. They said "If you're not having an affair, you messed up once and otherwise your relationship is going well, dont tell her"

JerzeeGirl said...

If you've already cheated...I would Pray...and pray hard

Some girls will forgive...eventually.

Some might key your car

Some might put all your clothes outside and set them on fire

Some might defame you on dontdatehim.com...

My thing is...wouldn't your conscious bother you? I know it would bother me. Knowing that I hurt this person that I "love" and i'm keeping this terrible secret...it would drive me insane. But then again...maybe I feel too much and care too much

Peyso said...

@ Jerzee - that's exactly what #3 is saying. That you're only telling her or him so that you feel better and not so they feel better

Nicki Sunshine said...

I am with Jerzee on this one, Pey...

If u've cheated, I think it's best to tell her or break up with her... because if you don't tell her, she will find out and it will be ugly.

JerzeeGirl said...

I think #3 is a cop out. That's almost like saying "well...I get one get out of jail free card if I cheat and its only one time...b/c I dont have to tell her"...so essentially guys (or girls) can cheat ONCE and not feel guilty about because what "she/he doesn't know won't hurt her/him". That's a cop out...excusing something that is obviously wrong. If you even have to say the line "what he/she doesn't know won't hurt him/her" then you KNOW you're wrong.

Peyso said...

@ Jerzee and Nikki - #3 is not a cop out. What I think it says is "dont tell him/her solely to free your conscious". If you telling her not because you care about the relationship and out of respect but because you dont sleep well at night, that's selfish. that's how I see it. I think both of you are seeing it as cosginage of cheating. No, cheating is bad. But the bad deed is done. Me personally, I'm gonna say it cuz i respect honesty. Not everyone does.

Luvvie said...

*pauses* Theo, that is the DUMBEST thing I've ever heard.

True2me said...

yeah I can tell this post is if you already cheated..So I understand it

I fully believe in the fact that it changes the relationship. My ex was DYING to know if I was with other men while we apart. I lied about it and things were great. He read my journal (i know stupid to keep one) and every since then he hasn't trusted me. Not because I lied..but because I was with other men and it made him insecure..even tho we were broken up at the time.

Our relationship never got back right after that...

Also the whole it will never happen again is true..just as long as you didnt manage to impregnate the person or catch a disease..

good post (for those that have already cheated)

Untouched Jewel said...

I am so cosigning with Jerzee's list. I couldn't agree with her more.

Eb the Celeb said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Eb the Celeb said...

#3 can be debated because it can also be selfish not to tell her